This year, the first supermoon will appear on 9th March 2020. While the supermoon of the year will impart effects on each zodiac sign, Some need extra care when it comes to dealing with it. It is going to be a super moon which means, it is going to be a clear night. Tonight, you can step outside on your terrace or balcony and witness a Super Moon. Tonight, the moon happens to get close to Earth during its orbit.
The Supermoon of March 2020 have had a set of curiosity worldwide. For some people, it was a subject of interest due to its name as it is also called the Worm Moon. It happens because the climate warms, grounds softens and the earthworms start emerging in the ground. This moon is particularly the sign of Spring Season.
The Super moon will draw effect on us all. However, a few of us will have to a little aware as the Supermoon will be slightly more intense for them. As Moon represents mind, it is very clear that these people will experience a change in their frame of mind.
Here are the four Zodiac Signs who can experience a major impact by the Supermoon-
Taurus (20th April to 20th May)
Taurus, a member of the Earth family is known for the sensual appearance and composed posture. Commonly they are popular for practical, wise, patient, and stable behavior. However, with the Supermoon March, these people will experience a drastic change regarding their mental processes.
Under the sign Lord Venus, these people commonly are blessed with comfort. However, the Moon may affect their comfort as well. Thus, if you are a Taurus, to turn the event favor, you will need to take care of your behavioral pattern.
Also, you will have to work a little extra to understand the situations. However, don’t try too hard to prove your point. Talking about your personal life, act subtly. It is not the right time to hold on to any argument. Avoid any chaotic situation. You may experience a little anxiety and stress. Therefore, to avert negativity forgive yourself as well as others.
Gemini (21st May to 20th June)
Gemini, a member of the Air family are famous for its adaptable and talkative nature. In addition, these people are enthusiastic, energetic, flexible, and smart.
Under the rule of Mercury, these people enjoy the bliss of wisdom and grasping abilities. Nonetheless, if you are a Gemini, the Supermoon can fluctuate your learning abilities. Also, it can make you impulsive and impatient. Thus, our expert Astrologers suggest you slow down and practice mindfulness.
As it is a tough time, don’t land into an argument with your partner. Even if the situations occur like this, practice intimacy and convey your thoughts and love to them.
Aries (21st March to 19th April)
Aries, a member of the Fire element is mostly popular for their silent and tender behavior. These people are popular for their enthusiastic, brave, driven, cheerful, ambitious, truthful, and passionate behavior.
As these people are ruled by Mars, their courage has no match. As a matter of fact, so does their anger, often. Therefore, if you are an Aries, you have to be extra careful with your temper. As your feelings guide you and you let them carry you away, take precautions that your anger stays a corner.
According to the best Astrologers of India, it is a tough time for Aries natives. However, you don’t need to convey your emotions too much. Neither you should suppress them. It can cause anxiety which might backfire. Thus, channelize your energy on Supermoon to accept yourself.
Cancer (21st June to 22nd July)
Cancer, a member of the Water family is the most popular for their emotional strength, emotiveness, and charm. Additionally, people love them for their faithfulness, creativity, and intuitive native.
These people are ruled by the Moon itself. Therefore, these people are widely famous for their artistic personality. However, if you are a Cancerian the Supermoon can turn your emotional tenderness into emotional fragility which can make you sink in mood swings.
You’re going to deal with many tears and intense feelings that might make you more vulnerable. In addition to this, you will feel the need to check more often, too. And this could make you more dependent on others, and expose you.
Some people might take an eternity to fall in love while for someone else falling in love can happen instantly, right? Many studies and research have been carried out to find the reason behind what makes people fall in love or why some people fall in love quickly while others take time to do the same. Science might have arrived at varying answers to these questions but astrology or the zodiac signs can also give us some hints about how fast or slow a person falls in love. Like everything in life, our governing planets and zodiac signs can decipher our personalities and can give us a glimpse of how soon a person is likely to become cupid’s victim.
Aries have this inborn trait of taking control of their lives and some are born leaders. Their determined nature can make them quite headstrong at times and once they make up their mind about something, including love, nothing can change their opinion. This headstrong nature of Aries makes them fall in love quickly once someone attracts their attention and the same trait is likely to make them fall out of love too.
Steady, trustworthy and persistent, the people from the second house of the zodiac do not fall in love too easily or quickly. They can be very practical and matters of the heart are rightly scrutinized by the head too. Never expect a Taurean to fall in love on the first or second date; he or she would take time to analyze if the person is capable of giving his best when in a relationship. Like everything in life, a Taurean’s sincerity in love is unmatchable and he would only fall in love if the other person reciprocates with equal sincerity and love.
Geminis, represented by the twins, are known for being social creatures and according to experts, they are drawn to people who excite their intelligence and they fall in love only when they are mentally stimulated. Also, they tend to get bored easily. They can fall in love quickly only when they meet someone who can match their intelligence. However, keeping a Gemini in love is quite a task and if they get bored or stops being mentally stimulated, they can fall out of love as quickly as they fell in love.
Cancerians wear their hearts on their sleeve and are very emotional people. Love for them is something sacred and they fall in love with the intention to make it last a lifetime because for a Cancerian family always comes first. They have no trouble falling in love very quickly if they find the other person to be emotionally proactive and match their expectations of being in a relationship.
Patience is not a Leo’s strongest virtue and they are known for taking quick decisions; the decision to be in love is no exception. Ruled by the Sun, Leos enjoy being the center of attention and it becomes rather easy for them to fall in love with a person who gives them what they want—undivided attention. They often fall in love too quickly, which makes it quite common for a Leo to fall in love with the wrong person. However, once they are in love, they are fiercely loyal until they get some solid reason to stop being loyal.
Virgos are born perfectionists and have very strong ethics. They are not someone you could push to fall in love with. They take time and the process of falling in love is very gradual; they need to be sure that the person they are attracted to share the same beliefs, values and ethics. Like everything else in their life, they would want their love life to be perfect as well and to make it so, it would not only work very hard but would wait for the right and the perfect person to fit into their life. So, don’t be surprised if you find a Virgo waiting for ages to fall in love or tie the knot.
The zodiac sign Libra is ruled by Venus, the planet of love. No wonder people of this zodiac signs are true romantics and is already in love with the idea of falling in love even before they lose their heart someone. They love harmony and seek balance in everything. They are charming and can be flirty too, however, never fall for their easy-going ways to take them for granted and believe that they fall in love easily. They would fall in love only when they are convinced that the other person it the right person for them. So, it’s not easy to say that a Libra falls in love too quickly or will take time.
The people of this water sign of the zodiac are known for their sensual and passionate nature and they mostly fall in love with people who share these same traits. It takes a Scorpio a long time to fall in love because they normally fall for people only after building enough trust. However, they have an air of mystery around them and dating a Scorpio might feel like an adventure and they would give the impression that they are in love but in reality it’s quite the opposite. They are not someone to fall in love easily and quickly and when they do, they are in it for a lifetime.
Sagittarians do not need a person to fall in love with because they love life and the excitement and adventure that comes with it so much that Sagittarians can wait and wait for a long time to find a life partner. Adventure comes first in their life and they love travelling and exploring new things; and if they have all these they can e quite self-content. So, for a Sagittarian to be struck by the cupid’s bow the right person has to there for them at the right time. Also, they value their freedom above everything else and if they feel that a relationship would restrict that sense of freedom, they would rather do away with it than be in a relationship with someone.
Capricorns are the dark workhorses of the zodiac who take pride in their hard work and are very serious about their responsibilities. They love people who share similar traits like them and take initiatives. And these factors are mainly responsible for young Capricorns to feel attracted towards a much older man or woman. Like mountain goats, Capricorns love to scale the mountain to reach his goals and falling in love is no different. They would take as much time to be convinced that the love they feel in their hearts is worth their hard work.
Just like Sagittarians, Aquarians do not rely on falling in love to complete them. They are social beings and love meeting people. For them friendship and networking matter more than spending time with just one person exclusively. So, an Aquarian takes a really long time to fall in love and only does so when he feels that the other person shares the same belief and values with him.
Pisceans are born dreamers and they are in love with the idea of falling in love and might have replayed many romantic scenes in their head much before such things have ever happened in their life. Ruled by Neptune, which is the planet of dreams, fantasy, and deception, Pisceans often get hurt in love because they fall for it too soon and too quickly.
It’s 2017 and time to finally take your love life up a notch. Or maybe a few notches by wading into the celebrity dating pool. And to ensure you don’t waste your time going after a Hemsworth when you should be knocking on the door of a Jonas brother, we’ve gotten a foolproof plan for your celebrity dating strategy: astrology. That’s right, we’re looking to the stars to help you match up with a star. So take a scroll through this list to figure out which Hollywood hunk you would be perfect with based on your Zodiac sign. Warning: this list is full of some delicious man candy. We’d suggest just scrolling all the way through for the nice view. But be careful! At the end, we introduce three Hollywood celebs you should stay away from based on your Zodiac sign. You don’t want to get involved with someone who is just not right for you. And yes, some of the men on this list are married, engaged or in a relationship. We’re not advocating for you to take a mistress role! Let’s just pretend we’re in a world where all of these hotties are unattached and available for you to date. The same fictional world where all of these hunks would give us normal people the time of day.
15If You’re An Aries….
Hey Aries lady, have we got something wonderfully attractive for you. Your perfect man is none other than Chris Hemsworth, a Leo with the most piercing blue eyes and hunky body. The stars say that you and Chris are going to have a passionate relationship. Everything about you two is fiery and strong. Sure, you might get into a few spats. But it’s your deep love that will keep you together. You value Chris’ clarity while he values your ability to be concise. You’re both brave and strong leaders, so you may have to take turns in the spotlight. Emotionally, you and Chris are perfectly in sync. Everything between you two is warm, passionate, playful, and fun. You’re both very energetic and will love to try new things together. Maybe Chris will take you zip lining for your next date or on a surprise trip to Fiji? Whatever it is, we’re already jealous. Congrats – You get to date Thor!
14If You’re A Taurus…
For the Taurus girl, we suggest looking up Nick Jonas, a Virgo. As a Taurus, you’ll teach Nick about love, tenderness, and passion. Now that sounds like a fun teaching job! The stars say you and Nick are a match made in heaven, as long as you don’t give in to distrust or your fear of being hurt. You bring the clear heart and Nick will bring the clear mind. You’ll connect intellectually and your patience will help win Nick over. He just needs to know you’re not going to up and leave him like some other Disney stars from his past (cough Gomez, cough Cyrus). You can both be a little stubborn, but your brilliant brain and Nick’s tender heart will bring you guys back together again. We think it’s worth a shot. After all, he’s definitely the Jonas brother who aged the best, right? It’d be hard to say no to someone who looks as good and sings as smoothly as Nick Jonas.
13If You’re A Gemini…
Congrats, Gemini! Your perfect celebrity match is Libra Zac Efron. Color us very jealous! Your relationship with Zac is all about support. You have to be there for each other. We’re sure you’ll have no problem being there for good looking Zac – have you seen his Baywatch pictures? Anyway, the stars say that if you want to make it work with Zac, and you definitely do, you’ll have to take care of him. Libras like Zac don’t like to be alone! And he’ll have to respect you as his teacher, lover, and friend. When Zac falls in love, he falls hard. He will trust you completely and always be thinking of the deep love you two share. Sure, he might get a little flirty from time to time. But you understand that the flirting is just part of Zac’s job. You trust him too and don’t have to keep him on a short leash. We’re sure you love birds will find a way to make it work!
12If You’re A Cancer…
For the Cancer chick, it is all about yummy Pisces man, Adam Levine. Who can resist that steely gaze, those muscular arms, and a voice that melts hearts? Certainly not a Cancer girl! When they talk about love at first sight, they’re talking about you and Adam Levine. You two are all about the emotional connection. You understand Adam better than anyone else. Your one challenge with Adam will be finding the line between his need for change and excitement and your need for family and stability. But once you find that balance, the stars say you’re one of the best couples in the Zodiac! So let Adam’s adventurous side inspire you and use your stable nature to help Adam feel comfortable and at home. At the end of the day, you both want to be loved and cared for. We certainly wouldn’t mind loving and caring for Adam Levine!
11If You’re A Leo…
Leo ladies, your perfect match is none other than Aries man James Franco. We know Franco has a reputation for being a bit of a wild child in Hollywood (do not look at his Instagram feed, if you can help it). But that is why he needs someone like you! Together, you two are passionate and once in love, almost impossible to separate. You will be true to each other until the end and fight for your love. That is a nice trait to have in a partner. Just do not expect too much peace from this relationship. Things will always be a bit of a whirlwind with James. But that is what you Leo ladies love! You need that energy and spark in your relationship. James will definitely bring that. At the end of the day, you both admire one another and will build a strong relationship on your mutual passion and energy.
10If You’re A Virgo…
Virgo gal, listen up! Your perfect Hollywood match is hunky Capricorn Bradley Cooper. Unlike the Aries and Leo combination, you and Bradley are all about a slow and steady love. You build your relationship on respect, trust, and love because you are in it for the long haul. You have been searching for perfection your whole life and you will find it in Bradley who will give you all the time you need and listen to you endlessly. Just remember not to get too stiff and still find time to open up emotionally. You will find a perfect intellectual match in Bradley – hew will challenge your mind while still respecting your opinion. If there is ever a problem, you and Bradley are the perfect team to solve it. The trust you two share will be absolutely unbreakable. Because nothing matters more to Bradley than trust and you are a Virgo girl who understands that.
9If You’re A Libra…
Miss Libra, allow us to introduce your perfect celebrity match: Blake Shelton, the Gemini guy! Let’s pretend the whole Miranda Lambert and Gwen Stefani mess doesn’t exist. Just picture Blake as the hunky cowboy he is. Blake will love the balance that you bring to the relationship. While you’ll love his ability to entertain. You’re both mentally sharp and will share many intellectual interests, which might surprise the country singer. The stars say you two are awesome at coming up with ideas together. So maybe Blake will invite you down to the recording studio to help out with his next album? Blake will love the fresh energy you bring to the relationship and will happily follow you as you pursue your dreams. He’ll also be happy to take a backseat if you want to be the leader. So go ahead and suggest that lavish date night, Blake will be into it!
8If You’re A Scorpio…
Scorpio sister, have we got a catch for you! What do you say to yummy British actor and Cancer man Benedict Cumberbatch? We say yes please! The trick with Benedict is that you need to find an emotional link. Once you’ve found it, you two are practically soulmates. You’ll be able to communicate without talking and connect on a deeper level than anyone else could understand. As a Cancer, Benedict is a naturally emotional guy. You have to be ready to deal with your emotions if you want to make it work with him. But don’t worry – Benedict will help you not want to run away from your emotions. Just like you’ll help him not to run away from negative experiences. As long as you two are together, you’ll be connected and happy, even if your interests differ. For you two, it’s all about the communication and connection. Connecting to Cumberbatch sounds like a good time to us!
7If You’re A Sagittarius…
It’s Aquarius hottie Justin Timberlake for the Sagittarius gal. Now that is a good catch! The stars say that you and Justin will find each other when it’s time for both of you to go through a change. Your relationship will get you through that change and into your future together. The base of that relationship is friendship. You and Justin deeply and truly care for one another. Intellectually, you’re totally in step together, which is important side and wide and an open mind is important to both of you. You both also value honesty. You’re rational thinkers who will be able to communicate openly about anything. You love finding mutual interests and diving into them together. Perhaps you and Justin can take up cross stitching? Or maybe you can follow his passion for old school rap? The stars say when you two get together, no one and nothing can stand in the way of your success and productivity.
6If You’re A Capricorn…
Capricorn ladies, meet your perfect man: David Beckham, the most gorgeous Taurus we know (talk about being one of the luckier ladies in the bunch!). Look at those arms! That smirk! The stars say you and David could form the most incredible bond together. You complement each other perfectly. David will motivate you and you will show him where your ambition can take you. From the outside, not everyone will understand your relationship. But you both know what is happening. You both have big goals and you will help each other to achieve them. Emotionally, it does not get much better for a Capricorn than loving someone like David. The stars say it will feel like David has literally touched your heart when you finally open up to him. Wow, that sounds pretty phenomenal. Your relationship also values trust and security, so it sounds like you two lovebirds are set!
5If You’re An Aquarius…
It’s steely, blue-eyed, Sagittarius Jake Gyllenhaal for the Aquarius lady. And what a lucky lady she is! Together you and Jake are creative and unique. You bring your positive ideals and Jake brings his knowledge of the world. You’re both excited about life and share a deep friendship underneath your love for one another. You know how to communicate well and keep things exciting. We bet there’s never a dull moment when Jake is involved! Jake will love your individuality and creativity. And you’ll love Jake’s willingness to take initiative and push himself to excellence. At times, Jake may appear selfish to you. But if you fall back on your solid communication skills, we’re sure you’ll be able to get through it. It’s a good thing you and Jake will be so loyal to each other. You’ll need that mutual admiration and devotion to get through any problems that stand in your way.
4If You’re A Pisces…
Pisces women please enjoy your perfect celebrity match, Scorpio Ryan Reynolds. Ryan is having a pretty amazing year with the success of Deadpool and the fact that he looks that amazing at 40 years old. And it is about to get a whole lot more amazing with you in his life (we are pretending wife Blake Lively and his daughters do not exist). Together, you and Ryan will reach a new emotional level neither of you thought possible before this. You will use that emotion and your understanding nature to truly fall in love. Ryan will have to learn to accept your changing nature and you will have to learn not to run away from your negative emotions. But once you both do this, you will find happiness with each other. No one will understand Ryan better than you will. That emotional approach will lead you to fantastic conversations and an unbreakable bond.
3If You’re A Taurus Or Scorpio AVOID…
A warning to all our Taurus and Scorpio ladies (or maybe just ladies in general), avoid Geminis like Shia LaBeouf. Someone like Shia will be far too restless for a Taurus lady and too free-loving for a Scorpio gal. And that outfit might be too much for ladies of any Zodiac sign! Shia is the type of guy who easily gets nervous and can never make a decision. This will irritate you to no end. He’s always full of life and bursting with energy, which can be way too much to handle. Shia hates being alone and any sort of routine or schedule. He’ll be a constant headache if you’re trying to settle down or do something by yourself. You don’t need someone getting upset if you go out for ladies’ night! Then there’s his whole garbage bag over the head thing, which we’ll never really understand. Probably best to steer clear here, ladies.
2If You’re A Sagittarius Or Aquarius AVOID…
Yes, he’s hot as all hell but trust us Sagittarius and Aquarius ladies, Jason Derulo is not the man for you. Don’t let his stunning good looks and smooth voice charm you, this Virgo boy is just bad news. Jason is all work and no play. He will always be focused on his career and will often leave you behind. You don’t want a man who is married to his work. Plus, he’s insanely critical not only of himself, but he’ll be critical of you too! We don’t need that kind of negativity in our lives. And he’s critical because deep down, he’s actually very shy and worried, which is a lot of emotional drama for you to deal with. Worse? Guys like Jason have a really hard time asking for help. So while he’s spending all day in the studio getting super critical about his work, he won’t even think to give you a call or ask for your support. We say, skip this emotional mess!
1If You’re A Capricorn Or Virgo AVOID…
Capricorn and Virgo ladies, please stay far away from a Leo man like Ben Affleck. First of all, did you see him in Batman vs Superman? Enough said. But seriously, a Leo is a bad idea for you. Someone like Ben is arrogant and self-centred. He only thinks about himself and he’s super stubborn. Which means he will be set in his ways and unwilling to compromise. You don’t want to pair up with someone like that! And because he’s so arrogant, he has a really hard time not being the center of attention. You don’t want a man who is always going to steal the spotlight or grumble when he’s not everyone’s number one priority. In fact, he’s starting to sound more like a toddler than an eligible Hollywood bachelor. And while he may be creative and passionate, that’s not enough to make up for all the stress he’ll cause you. Just ask Jennifer Garner!
While watching a horror movie, do you close your eyes or scream so that the character escape or hide? Or maybe with curiosity you want to see what lurks behind the closed, not accessible door? Everyone likes to be scared a little, so we invite you to read this article, in which based on the zodiac sign you will check what would happen to you if you were in a horror situation. If you’re not afraid – read it now!
1. Aries (March 21st to April 19th)
People born with the Sun in this sign must be everywhere and always first. So they don’t listen to the rule saying “never explore strange noises in the basement, woods or haunted attic”. Aries are brave and adventurous, and when a serial killer would be free, they would like to catch him on their own. It won’t be any safe for them at all.
2. Taurus (April 20th to May 21st)
A Taurus are determined and stubborn, so there is a small chance for them to reach the end of the scary movie because one-sidedness of thinking makes it difficult for them to perceive some possibilities and solutions. They have a problem with distinguishing important things from less important ones. If someone will tell them what to do for their own safety, they will protect their independence, not recognize any authority and do their own thing only.
3. Gemini (May 22nd to June 21st)
The main sphere of interest for Geminis is gathering information and transmitting it and their curiosity can be dangerous for them. Although they are clever and brilliant, we can consider that in a scary movie Gemini will definitely be one of the first victims because they will be too close to the killer, giving him information or trying to make friends with him.
4. Cancer (June 22nd to July 22nd)
Cancers are timid and fearful. Sometimes they even behave like the whole world is a threat to them. Their problem may also be the lack of independence, so they might only survive if they surround themselves with one or two stronger friends. If Cancers would be on their own, they could be murdered easily because they are so emotional and sensitive.
5. Leo (July 23rd to August 22nd)
Leos are confident, proud, but easily addicted to the admiration and acceptance of others. They like to show off, but mostly they have good intentions and cannot believe that someone could direct other, evil motives. So if they are not a killer, their desire to attract attention will bring them death. Always keep an eye on them.
6. Virgo (August 23rd to September 22nd)
Virgos are very practical and orderly. It is impossible to imagine them in a horror movie because it is unbelievable that they would put themselves in a dangerous situation, like getting lost on an abandoned road, feeling the temptation to explore wood or entering an empty attic in the dark. Not to mention that they would never buy a house that was built on a cursed burial ground.
7. Libra (September 23rd to October 22nd)
For Libras, the most important things are balance and harmony. Because conflicts disrupt balance, they do not like them and avoid them at all costs. They strive for a settlement even at the cost of being in disagreement with themselves. That’s why Libras would survive in a situation like a scary movie. They are too-much-loved to be killer’s target or victim, and they are smart enough to find a solution to a difficult situation.
8. Scorpio (October 23rd to November 22nd)
Scorpions bravely explore secrets and raise issues that others fear. They are insightful, analytical and unyielding. Although in the horror movie they would be in very scary situations all the time, they would survive them, because Scorpios are brave and have a tremendous amount of psychic regeneration ability. They can rise after failures that would break others.
9. Sagittarius (November 23rd to December 21st)
Sagittarius have a sincere and direct approach to life and people. Their optimism and carefree outlook on life make them a nice company. They are very open and people love them, so in a horror movie, they would be the funny characters, that we are cheering for through the whole film, and who at the end finally die. Unfortunately, they would not survive.
10. Capricorn (December 22nd to January 20th)
Capricorns are willing to take on more responsibility than other characters – sometimes even above their strength. They can be easily taken in possession by the success desire and in pursuit of achievements forget the joys of life. That’s why Capricorns would be a simple target and killer’s victim and they would not survive a scary movie. It’s the character who tries so hard, that dies quickly.
11. Aquarius (January 21st to February 18th)
Aquarians do not like schemes and established rules. Although they are open to novelty, they can be very stubborn and it is hard to convince them to change their minds. They are also very friendly and liked, and all these qualities make them an easy target for murderers in horror movies. Aquarians are that kind of character who pick up hitchhikers or try to help someone in need and then get killed.
12. Pisces (February 19th to March 20th)
A Pisces have an unfailing instinct. They may look like they have no strength and skill in fighting for their cause, but they can be very successful in areas where they can express their emotions and use their intuition. Because of that, we know that they would survive in horror movies. They like a quiet and underrated hero, who do not pay attention to themselves but turn out to be survivors at the end.
You are convinced that you aren’t making enough money. That your job isn’t good enough. That your degree is useless. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit. You have been working your ass off lately. And that is something to be proud about.
Taurus: April 20th – May 20th
Society has brainwashed you into believing that there is a timeline you should be following. But it’s okay if you aren’t married by now. If you haven’t graduated by now. If you aren’t living in your own place by now. You still have time to work things out. You don’t have to rush through adulthood.
Everyone considers you an adult, but you don’t feel like you are at all. You feel like you are still a little kid, struggling to figure out where you’re heading in life. But honestly, you have no idea where you are going. You’ve been winging it. Faking it. And that is okay. You are a work in progress — but so is every other damn person on this planet.
Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd
You place too much emphasis on love. You think that, just because you are still single or because your relationship is crumbling, that you are failing in life. But there are so many other areas of your life where you are thriving. Stop paying attention to the one part that isn’t complete yet.
Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd
You have high expectations for yourself and for the people around you. That is why you surround yourself with such successful people. But since your friends are all doing so well for themselves, sometimes, it feels like you are falling behind. But you can’t compare your path to their path. You are totally different people with totally different destinations.
Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd
You are drowning inside of your negative thoughts. Instead of congratulating yourself whenever you accomplish something big, you spend time criticizing yourself for every little thing that you do wrong. You are an enemy to yourself instead of a friend. And you need a friend.
Your life isn’t going exactly the way that you planned it when you were young and that scares you. But going off course isn’t always bad thing. It could be the best thing to ever happen to you. Life is unpredictable. You can’t plan out every step. You have to learn to accept that.
Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st
You feel like you ruin every good thing that happens to you — but that is not true at all. Relationships end. Families fall apart. Jobs are taken away. Just because some bad things have happened to you doesn’t mean that you are the reason behind why they happened. Sometimes it’s random. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. Sometimes life just sucks.
Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st
You are surrounding yourself with the wrong people. People who will make you feel like you are not enough. Like you are a failure. You have to rid yourself of these toxic people, even if you have a history with them. Even if you love them. You have to do what is best for your own health.
Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th
Maybe your parents wanted you to go to school for something else. Maybe your friends are telling you that you are never going to make it. Maybe no one will hire you to do what you want to do. At the end of the day, you have to remember that you can’t please everyone. Some people are never going to understand your work. But you have to keep going.
Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th
You feel like a sell-out. You aren’t exactly where you want to be yet, and you’re worried that you’re going to be stuck in this place forever. But where you are now isn’t necessarily where you are going to be in ten years, five years, or even next year. It takes a while to reach your dreams. You can’t just snap your fingers and find success. You have to stay patient.
You feel like your life is a mess, because things are more complicated than back when you were in high school. You don’t see your friends as much. You don’t sleep as much. You don’t feel as smart as you did back then. But that is part of growing up. You aren’t a failure. You are like any other twenty-something.
You love physical humor, especially when it involves people getting hurt. You love watching videos of people walking into signposts, falling flat on their faces, and especially seeing men get hit in the groin. At a party when someone passes out drunk, you find it hilarious when people draw mustaches on their face or cover them head-to-toe in shaving cream. When it comes to making you laugh, their pain is your gain.
(April 20th to May 21st)
You don’t need jokes or slapstick—the world is so crazy, it provides all the humor you need. Instead, you just sit back and observe. You find human nature so endlessly fascinating and weird…and human pride so endlessly foolish…you can endlessly amuse yourself sitting on a park bench and watching people walking around in the course of their daily business as if they have the slightest clue of what their doing.
(May 22nd to June 21st)
You find humor in humoring people. When that idiot at the office comes up to you and starts telling you about his wife and three kids and how they lost their luggage on the way to Disney World and how they got stranded at a motel without a change of clothes and how it was the worst vacation of their lives and now they have to wait another year to take another vacation, you nod with pretend sympathy. Internally, though, you’re laughing your ass off.
(June 22nd to July 22nd)
You find it funny when people make fun of themselves. Funny enough, the only time you make others laugh is when you’re making fun of yourself. You’ll stretch it to the point where you joke that you’re so pathetic, no one even cares to make fun of you, which is why you have to make fun of yourself.
(July 23rd to August 22nd)
You get huge yuks out of people who are unbelievably loud, obnoxious, and inappropriate. You don’t even think it’s wrong when someone makes wacky faces at a funeral, trying to make everyone laugh. But you think it’s even funnier that when someone makes wacky faces at a funeral and no one laughs, the security guard takes them away. What they hell where they thinking, anyway, making wacky faces at a funeral?
(August 23rd to September 22nd)
Nothing makes you laugh harder than hearing about the misfortune of someone you dislike. Remember the guy who bullied you in high school? He just went to prison for tax evasion! LOL!!! How about the girl who spread false rumors about you on Facebook? She just tried getting a nose job, and boy did the plastic surgeon mess it up! HAHAHA! And that jerk at Walmart who keeps making inappropriate comments to you? They just fired him for doing it to someone else! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
(September 23rd to October 22nd)
Your sense of humor involves “punching up”: You like seeing the rich, the powerful, the abusive, and the bullies put in your place. You love when the underdog gets their revenge. To you, seeing the head of a large corporation get hit in the head with a rock would be pure comedy; but if it happened to a homeless person, it’d be a tragedy.
(October 23rd to November 22nd)
Passive-aggression makes you roll off the couch and onto the floor in laughter. And you’re a world champion at being passive-aggressive: There are some days that no matter what anyone says, you’ll just shrug and say, “Grow up.” There are other days when even if someone says something positive to you, you’ll say, “Looks like I hit a nerve.” And then there are days when no matter what someone says, even if it’s good or bad, you’ll just say, “Must be nice.”
(November 23rd to December 21st)
You love a good funny story, and nobody has funnier stories than you do. And what’s funnier is that every one of them is true. Remember that teacher who kept mispronouncing your name, so you recorded your name onto your phone rigged it up to a set of mini-speakers under your desk so that every time she mispronounced your name, she’d hear it pronounced correctly and very LOUDLY? So does everyone you’ve told that story. And they’re all still laughing about it.
(December 22nd to January 20th)
You love insults, you stupid, pig-faced, knuckle-dragging, flat-broke, bad-breathed, knobby-kneed, pigeon-toed, pumpkin-spice-sipping, UGG-boot-wearing basic bitch!
(January 21st to February 18th)
You love jokes that are so mean, you can’t even imagine someone would have the audacity to tell them. Your favorite is the one about the henpecked husband whose mother-in-law just died. “It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law,” said a friend who was trying to console him. “Yeah,” the husband replied. “It was almost impossible.”
(February 19th to March 20th)
You’re one of the Mean Girls, and nothing makes you laugh harder than having a circle of friends who tell their own in-jokes about how stupid and ugly and smelly and unattractive every girl who doesn’t belong to your little gang is. You especially focus on people you all find ridiculous, and you’ll go late into the night doubled over in laughter as the jokes just get meaner and meaner.
You are so obsessively clean, it borders on germophobia. Germs shake in terror when you enter the room—it could be said that germs have a case of you-o-phobia. With you, everything gets the white-glove treatment—twice! Not only can you eat off your floors, you can perform surgery on them. Damn you for making the rest of us look like slobs.
Seeing clutter gives you a headache. You look at sloppiness as if it were a mental illness. You’re interested in space exploration because you hope that one day we’ll be able to send all the earth’s garbage, dirt, and even dust to another planet. You will sometimes wash your clothes twice because you suspect that even your washing machine is a bit of a lazy slob.
Windex. Formula 409. Pine Sol. Bleach. These are the names of your best friends. You are the only person in your circle of friends who carries deodorant in your purse. If you haven’t showered for more than 18 hours, you begin getting extremely cranky. You’ll allow yourself to get dirty maybe once or twice a year; the rest of the year you feel guilty about it.
Dirt clings to your body like sin, and you scrub it away like Lady Macbeth trying to clean the invisible blood stains from your hands. Your personal hygiene is immaculate. (By the way, you might want to look in a mirror, because I think something’s stuck in your teeth—just kidding! I’m sorry, because I knew you’d look.)
To you, cleanliness is mostly about appearances. Superficially, you’re very clean. Your house looks spotless, but there’s plenty of dirt behind the couches. When you wear makeup, there’s still oil and dirt underneath it all on your unwashed face. Plus, your mind is extremely dirty—you know it. Don’t try to pretend otherwise.
You are a huge fan of orderliness, which is why clutter bothers you more than filth does. Everything needs its place. You hate anything that disrupts your highly developed sense of feng shui. You actually stopped reading this paragraph halfway through because that one book in your bookcase was slightly out of place, and you just HAD to fix it.
You’re the twins, so you’re both sloppy and neat. It just depends on the situation. Your personal hygiene is impeccable due to your narcissism. Your housecleaning skills need to take it up a notch. Of all rooms where you live, the bathroom is likely to be the worst. Not trying to shame you—just pointing it out. Next time I visit you and have to go to the bathroom, I’ll go down the block and use the loo at McDonald’s.
You may think you’re the smartest and funniest and best-looking person in the room, but it’s been two weeks since you’ve taken out the trash. It’s been roughly six months since you flossed. I’m not saying you’re disgusting, but that’s only because I’m too polite. I’ll let your next boyfriend tells you you’re disgusting after the previous one dumped you because your place is a dump.
You have a clean mind but a dirty house. You pay your taxes quicker than you wash your dishes. You go to your dentist regularly, but it’d be nice if you used mouthwash every once in a while. You do a good job at paying someone to clean your place every once in a while. Problem is, you can’t pay someone to shower for you. Please up your personal hygiene game a notch. I’m saying this as a friend.
You’re such a sweet and kind person, which is why it pains me to tell you that you’re a slob. You will eventually get around to cleaning, but not before making one billion excuses for why you can’t do it right now. Your attitude is that you’re going to mess up your bed sheets when you go to sleep tonight, so why make your bed in the first place? Same thing applies to dirt—why clean if it’s going to come back anyway…right?
You’re too busy looking at yourself in the mirror to realize how much dust and grease there is on that mirror. Or the big crack on the mirror. Or the giant coffee stain on the wall behind the mirror after that time you threw your coffee on the wall after you found out your boyfriend was cheating. You don’t even see the big mustard stain on your blouse. Or the giant zit on your neck. And still you wonder why your boyfriend cheated on you.
In your case, the scales tip clearly toward sloppiness. You actually get a headache when everything’s too clean or orderly. By the way, the car keys you’re scrambling to find are underneath the pile of filthy laundry in the corner. Right near all the cockroaches. Next to the empty pizza boxes—to the left of the bowl of fossilized mac ’n’ cheese.