The drunken mistake that you are likely to make based on your Zodiac

 

Remember the last time you got drunk and were a complete mess? What was it that you are guilty of having done? C’mon let’s admit it! We’ve all made a drunken at least once in our lives till date if not more. Want to know the typical silliness that each of the signs in the zodiac can resort to when drunk to the fullest?

Read to know. See if you can relate!

ARIES – START A FIGHT OR A BRAWL THAT THEY LEAVE UNFINISHED

Aries being ruled by Mars is the warrior planet and once they down a few shots they will look for a way to release the warrior inside. One small reason they find, they will happily start a brawl. But because Aries are warriors and not the head colonels or the captains they will not know how to strategically direct their fights and in turn mess things up leaving the fight unfinished, for someone else to clean the mess they made.

TAURUS – ENDS THE FIGHT THAT ARIES BEGAN

Now a drunken Taurus will take the responsibility of cleaning the mess that Aries is likely to make. Why? Not because they too like getting into brawls just like Aries but because they are very protective of the ones they care about. So they use their practicality to sideline the bugger who is involved in the brawl with the one Taurus is affectionate toward.

GEMINI – MAKES DRUNKEN CALLS

Mercury the planet that influences Gemini makes the master at communicating. They can’t keep from communicating anyway when they are sober. However when they’re drunk they can go a notch above and flood you with texts (of course if they like you or are attracted you) at 3 am in the morning or call and talk for hours and hours until next morning. Tell you why you should be with them and how stupid you are for being with the person you currently with.

CANCER – GETTING NAKED

Okay so what astrologers have to say is that Cancers love to strip because they are placed in the fourth house of the zodiac which is Home and belonging to Home, they feel like letting themselves loose off external coverings/shields shall make them feel more at home.

Well, this could also have a metaphorical meaning to it in the sense that they let their vulnerable selves out in the open.

LEO – GETS IT ON WITH A STRANGER

Leo is a fire sign and almost always the centre of everyone’s attention anywhere they are. But when drunk in order to feel validated they release the fieriness unto the poor lads and ladies that are in awe of Leo. They might plant a wild kiss on your mouth or carry you to the washroom and show them what they’re made of until they’re sure that you understand exactly what they meant for you to understand. After that they’ll dust their hands and walk out. That’s what a drunken Leo is capable of.

VIRGO – THROWS UP IN THEIR PURSE

Virgo is a perfectionist and it’ll hurt them to do anything that they could accuse you of if you had done it. So even when they are drunk they will try to keep things to themselves to an extent where they’d puke in their purse to leave you out from taking any sort of responsibility for them.

LIBRA – MAKES UP WITH SOMEONE THEY NEVER INTENDED TO

They are ruled by Venus, Libra, so they tend to be seekers of peace and when drunk in order to do away with a cold war or the grudges that they’ve petted for long and have loved to dearly pet those grudges get carried away into reaffirming balance. In order to seek peace they will make the drunken mistake of freeing someone of the guilt of having offended Libra. However this, they will regret the next morning when they return to their sober state.

SCOPRIO – URINATES IN PUBLIC

Scorpio is a master at hiding what’s in their head, being a pro at maintaining a mysterious persona, but they can easily give away what’s below their belt. They can’t help it.

Scorpio doesn’t care to hide what’s down there so they’re just casually stop on the corner of the street (which he didn’t notice was carrying a wedding procession) and pee in public.

SAGITTARIUS – WAKES UP IN A HOUSE BOAT IN THE GANGES

Sagittarius likes to be on the go. They are very energetic and more so when drinking, in the sense that they will make their desire to explore to come into being. They will set out to board the nearest train/bus/plane to somewhere in order to write an article about a certain area or a thing in a certain place that they have been longing to explore and the next morning they might just find themselves in a place completely different to which they had planned to visit.

CAPRICORN – PRESIDES ON A MEETING DRUNK

Capricorn falls in the 10th house defined by fame and honour so that they will let nothing come in the way of work. Who says this will deter them from drinking and making merry?

They will make merry the same after work on a weekend just to go back to work with renewed energy except without having slept the night but fully prepared for a whole day of serious work either drunk or stoned.

AQUARIUS – INTIMATELY RAMBLES WITH SOMEONE THEY MET A MINUTE AGO

Aquarius is shy. Period. Aquarius can go on thinking without pronouncing even a word of what is going on inside their heads. To top it all place them among an unknown crowd and you’ll have a living and breathing soft toy right there in front of you. J

But all jokes apart, Aquarius can really take a lot of time to open up and share a piece of their mind with other people, unless you get them drunk.

When Aquarius is drunk, they are going to do exactly what they dread doing when sober. They will share a piece of their mind with a complete random stranger. They will be up close and confident talking about the weirdest ideas that occupy their mind fascinating said person who wonders as to why Aquarius wouldn’t speak up for so long when they knew so much and had so much to say on the very topic that said person had been discussing with the others for the past 3 hours.

PISCES – SOBS

Pisces is extremely emotional, being ruled by Neptune, they are also very creative, imaginative and idealistic, so that they have often have expectations that most often don’t get fulfilled, so that it hurts them.

But a drunken Pisces can doesn’t need unfulfilled expectations to shed a tear a two, the simple instance of their partner taking a second look at the gorgeous single passing down the street can cause Pisces to cry.

Now let us share one of those exclusive stories we have each of a drunken mistake we’ve made. Fill up the space that is provided in the bottom just for you with the funny stories we’re waiting to hear. You share yours and I’ll reply with mine. I promise!

What hurts you the most according to your Zodiac?

 

What’s your zodiac? Did you know what hurts a Gemini, a Sagittarius, a Taurus, a Pisces and the other zodiac signs the most? Read on to find out.

This article mentions a few of those things that hurt us the most when brought on to us by our loved ones especially.

Is this what hurts you too?

ARIES

What hurts you in a relationship is when your partner asks you to pipe down. Aries is energetic and doesn’t like to be told to pause or calm down. Asking them to calm down can instead make them even more hyper so that they end up taking rash steps to counter the sudden distortion in the ongoing flow of its nature.

TAURUS

Taurus can’t bear to have their partner call somebody else attractive right before them. You get insecure Taurus and your partner cannot make it up to you even by saying something like “not as much as you” in order to reaffirm your attractiveness as per them. Having your love appreciate someone else can cause you to feel dejected and upset Taurus.

GEMINI

Being told that something you said didn’t make sense or sounded silly can shatter you Gemini. You pride yourself in being intelligent and a perfect conversationalist with wonderful and varied ideas constantly revolving in your head. If your partner hence comes up to tell you Gemini, that you don’t make sense in what you’re saying or let’s say ignore your jokes and anything you say for that matter, then it is likely to deeply hurt you.

CANCER

Cancer, you’re emotional. It’s a given. However you try hard not to let your vulnerable side show just to anybody. You give yourself time to be able to develop adequate amount of trust on somebody to come out of your shell because being aware of your emotional side you are simply afraid of getting hurt.

But when your partner, the one you had put all your trust on tells you something like you are excessively needy, it is going to hurt you really bad. You are going to feel like a loser, vulnerable and betrayed.

LEO

 

Leo you are very particular about your appearance because you dig compliments and attention. But then there are days when we might just not look our best due to various reasons – illness, stress, emotional distress and so on. These are the times when Leo needs occasional validation from their nearest and dearest. However, if they fail to provide Leo with validation and instead blurt out something like “You’re not looking as great as you did last weekend. What’s wrong with your hair?” it’s going to break Leo’s heart and there won’t be any way to put those pieces together.

VIRGO

Virgo is a perfectionist. They like everything about them to be well thought out and in place. However if your boyfriend or girlfriend comes up to tell you that you should learn something from the couple who live next door or your their best friend’s relationship, the way they decorate the house, and basically the way they are, it turn pick Virgo big time.

Well because you’re always trying to perfect everything that’s in your hand when someone you trust so much doubts your skills and your being you don’t really want to include him as a part of your life any longer. Of course it made you sad Virgo.

LIBRA

For Libra their friends form a very important part of their lives. Without your friends it is very difficult to define you Libra. If your partner tells you that they don’t like your friends or requests you to break tie with a few of them then you might as well can break up with them Libra. It hurts you to have to listen to anything vulgar or deprecating about your friends Libra because it is equal to deprecating you.

SCORPIO

Scorpio is possessive and hence can get jealous sometimes. It’s going to hurt you Scorpio when your partner compares you with or plainly refers to their ex during moments of argument or celebration. Anything to do with highlighting the positives of the ex can annoy Scorpio to no ends. Why would you talk about an ex when you’re present is right before you. Your concern should be about your current partner and not your past relationship.

SAGITTARIUS

Sagittarius you’re full of energy, vivacious, on the go and willing to explore whenever you find a chance. Also, Sagittarius you are very optimistic and fun loving. However even though you are friendly with all, it only takes a chosen few to know your childish side which has its contribution in triggering explorer’s spirit in you. If one of your loved ones challenges this spirit by calling your childish side into the open and by terming you as crazy or immature then you’re going to be hurt Sagittarius. It’s going to affect your confidence and your mental well being in all.

CAPRICORN

You’re one of the hardest working individuals amongst the other signs in the zodiacCapricornand in spite of that if you don’t receive the desired respect for being so serious and motivated in what you do then you might as well switch your partner.

Capricorn loves working hard. There is no stopping them. They are hard working, sensitive, romantic individuals with a great sense of humour and despite being an entire package if your partner’s parents aren’t fond of you or your partner isn’t proud enough of you then you should not have to stick around Capricorn. You’re worth better. Don’t hurt yourself aimlessly.

AQUARIUS

Aquarius you love being called quirky, out of the box, original and you don’t even mind being termed as crazy. But if you’re told that you are rather like somebody else in your mannerisms, your thought processes and so on, even be it your mother, you’re going to take it as an offense.

You love and adore your mother but you know you have your individuality Aquarius. You’re independent, and nothing like anybody else they know. You’re used to hearing how different you are and not how similar you are to somebody else. Sometimes a mean partner might even compare you with your mother in a condescending manner trying to accentuate the things that they dislike about your mother. But you know you’ve borrowed all that you love and so there’s no question of regretting your choices. You make ‘different’ choices Aquarius and that’s what defines you.

PISCES

Your creative mind can sometimes run too wild Pisces but that’s how you are right? You need a partner who is going to help you channelize that creative and imaginative mind of yours in the right direction instead of telling you off for dreaming and as a consequence, hurting your already emotional being. You need someone to walk with you, to show you the way, to have with you when you begin to take new endeavours. You might get emotional sometimes and break down when your dreams don’t see the light of reality and that’s when your partner should come in as a support instead of hurting you even better by pointing out your nature as problematic.

Were you able to relate? Share your views with us by writing to us in the comments section below and get responded to in a giffy.

What kind of a woman does he fall for according to his Zodiac sign?

 


Ever wondered why Scorpions go head over heels for you while Sagittarians don’t stick around for too long? Yes zodiac signs can very much elicit attraction.

Here is a list of the different kinds of men with their varying tastes in women:

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 – JANUARY 19)

A Capricorn as a zodiac sign will take his own sweet time to really let himself loose and go unguarded allowing himself to fall for a woman. The woman however, who will be able to shatter his guard has to be confident, appealing, affectionate and yet not dominating, overtly revealing or too open and public regarding her show of affections.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 – FEBRUARY 18)

 

Aquarius men abhor needy and clingy women. They are space personified and hence will want their women to give them ample amount of space, to allow themselves to miss and want to have the woman around. Don’t demand from them and they’ll give you all they can, but if you demand too much, they’ll run, because it acts as a threat to their freedom. Aquarius men find women who don’t stick to rules, immensely attractive.

 

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20)

 

A Pisces man will be struck by a woman who is gentle, generous, passionate and open-minded. Pisces men are generally very emotional and sensitive so they get attracted to women who can hold her own and can take control in and outside of bed, while being empathetic and gentle in nature. Pisces men are also fond of art so the woman who wants to grab the attention of a Pisces must herself have an eye for art and be compassionate towards man and animals alike.

 

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

Aries men like women who are extremely strong and independent; a woman who has a motto of her own and knows how to stick to it irrespective of what others think or feel about it. He loves it when she speaks her mind and overcomes challenges boldly. An Aries man will not tolerate an excessively emotional woman, even though they adore passion and romance.

 

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

 

Taurus men like feminine women. She has to be fun, lively, emanate optimism and yet be soft and tender, in order to clutch the attention of this man. Provided she can move him and shake him with her vivacious current and still possess feminine qualities, he will fall hard for her.

 

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

Gemini men are incessantly excessive talkers and they will get attracted to women who can complement his smooth talks. Gemini men are extremely unpredictable and love spontaneity, so he is fascinated by women who are spontaneous, witty, humorous and unconventional; those who don’t stick to the rules and can come up with great ideas and plans that she fosters within herself.

 

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

 

Cancer men love women who are innocent, gentle and childlike. They are drawn to women who they think need protection and support from the big bad world, because they are themselves quite emotional but don’t let their emotions out too easily, looking for ways to channelize their emotions, they would love to invest in you.

 

LEO (JULY 23 – AUGUST 22)

Leo men like outgoing and somewhat showy women, who are extremely confident and vibrant. A Leo is attracted to a self-assured woman who is comfortable in her own skin and appears to look perfect from head to toe. But only physical appearance will not make the deal. She has to be smart and witty in order to get him to drool over her.

 

VIRGO (AUGUST 23 – SEPTEMBER 22)

 

Virgo men are not too fond of outgoing women but simple yet appealing women; the girl-next-door type, who will be charming, friendly, intelligent, pretty but a little understated and unassuming. The woman they get attracted to must be sensible, logical and tolerant. But he doesn’t like women who are too emotional or extravagant and showy.

 

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 – OCTOBER 22)

 

Librans the romantics sure do capture the attention of a number of women in the zodiac, but how does one make sure to grab some of his attention? Libra men like women who are good-looking, feminine, independent, unconventional, witty, funny, confident, supportive and devoted. They are great conversationalists, so that a woman who can make good conversation greatly appeals to this zodiac. Librans will get bored easily and so they need to be surprised with newness and uniqueness once in a while to keep them asking for more from and of you.

 

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21)

 

Scorpio men are constantly on the search for the best. They want to look and be the best. They want to leave an impression everywhere they go. However, they want their women to be gentle, loving, passive, and passionate, while she stands out in the crowd, drawing all eyes on her.

 

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 – DECEMBER 21)

A Sagittarius likes his woman to be exhilarating, outgoing, vivacious, energetic and witty. She has to constantly stimulate and challenge him in any which way whatsoever, to keep him engaged. This zodiac sign likes women who can hold their own and are still childishly exuberant and cheerful.

There you are with a list of the kind of men belonging to the 12 different zodiac signs and the kind of women each desire.

 

These 6 Zodiac Signs Are The Rudest Of Them All

 

Whenever you encounter these Zodiacs out in the wild, it will be as if you don’t even exist to them.

No one ever likes the feeling of being ignored. But it’s something that happens to even the best of us. You might be at the club and you’re trying to order some drinks at the bar. But the bartender just outright ignores you in favor of other customers. Maybe you text someone who you have a romantic interest in and they don’t reply. It happens. Accept it.

But you should know that there are certain Zodiac signs in particular who are practically professionals when it comes to ignoring the people around them. Remember that astrology is always going to serve as a really good gauge and indicator for a person’s traits and characteristics. And sometimes, these traits aren’t going to be so positive or nice.

There are just certain people out there who are inherently rude and snobbish. These are the people who aren’t so easy to get along with because their personalities make it inherently difficult for anyone to approach them.

It can be devastating whenever you put yourself out there for someone only to be ignored and discarded. It can feel like you are being punished for reasons that are unbeknownst to you. It can feel like your needs and your expectations aren’t being attended to. And most devastatingly, it can feel like your presence is invalidated. It can feel like you don’t really matter much or that you’re not as interesting as you may have once thought.

When you ignore another person, it can be very manipulative. This is especially true when you willfully ignore another person just to get them to do something that you want them to do. There are just some people who are really good at ignoring other people to the point that it makes others feel uncomfortable and even miserable.

Sure, it’s easy to ignore that chatty couple seated beside you at the coffee shop. That’s fine. But it isn’t cool to totally ignore someone for the sake of punishing them or making them feel bad. And there are certain Zodiac signs out there who are practically masters of this art.

1. Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

A Virgo is one of the snobbiest Zodiac signs out there. You rarely ever like to deal with people who are somewhat erratic or unpredictable. A Virgo hates unpredictability and volatility. You would rather not entertain people who exhibit chaotic behavior. You also hate impulsivity.

Virgos have very high standards and they don’t like to compromise their ideals just for anyone. That’s how you have mastered the art of snubbing.

2. Taurus (April 20 – May 21)

You are a very stubborn and hardheaded person. As a Taurus, you are known to always keep to your own thoughts. And you hate having to entertain any opposing opinions or contradictions. You are always so quick to shut your ear to any detractors or dissenters.

You only ever like to pay attention to the people who stay loyal to you and who agree with your philosophies and outlooks on life.

3. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

As a Capricorn, you have no tolerance or patience for people who are inauthentic and fake. You hate it whenever you are with people who are incapable of being themselves. You only ever really like to surround yourself with people who you know you can really trust and rely on.

All the liars, fakes, and apes out there are people you just choose to ignore. You don’t validate their existence at all.

4. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

You hate it when people go through some very erratic and dramatic emotional outbursts. You are very much fond of those people who are able to keep their feelings and emotions in check. You don’t like to surround yourself with drama. And that’s why you typically like to stay away from the people who attract drama into their own lives.

5. Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

You might think that you have a very warm and sensitive heart. And it’s true that you do. However, you also have a certain intolerance for people who are purely materialistic. You hate it when people are all about the physical possessions that they have. You like to get in really deep with people. But if a person is incapable of emotional depth, you would rather just bypass them.

6. Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)

A Scorpio is always going to ignore the people who play hard to get. You would never really be the type of person who just openly approaches people to introduce yourself. You are the one who waits around. And if someone refuses to make a move on you, you just don’t pay them any mind. You keep to yourself like you always do.

Why It’s Important To Flirt

You enter a bar and immediately feel unattractive. You’re so sick of getting stared at, of getting evaluated. “Do I want to see you naked? Do I want to go through all the effort it’ll take to kiss you and take you home?” When you go to these places expecting to find someone to love forever, you think of something Sylvia Plath once said:

There’s so much hurt in this game of searching for a mate, of testing, trying. And then you realize suddenly that you forgot it was a game & turn away in tears. if i didn’t think i’d be much happier, if i didn’t have any sex organs, i wouldn’t waver on the brink of nervous emotion and tears all the time.

(By the way, that was definitely just copied from a Livejournal entry from 2007.) The dullness scares you. The games you might be forced to play scare you. The judgment scares you, having someone reduce you to a thing that might give them pleasure or bore them to tears. What scares you the most though is how you let these potential lovers slip through your fingertips. They’re right there waiting for you and you’re too lazy/crazy to pursue anything. They’ll wait for only so long. You don’t want to wake up one day and find that every good one has left because you were too busy being frozen.

You’re already exhausted. The second you enter a place, you feel your body go limp. You want to call out to no one in particular, “Hey, just have at it. I’ll just close my eyes and see who sticks.” Is it normal to feel this way so soon? You figured that this kind of fatigue and apathy took years to produce. How could you feel it so soon?

I’m going to ask you to do one little thing that might change the course of your life forever.

Flirt.

Flirt with reckless abandon, flirt with strangers who appear to be out of your league, because what’s the worst that can happen? They don’t like you back? Oooooh! SCARY! A stranger who knows nothing about you is not into you! The horror! That’s such a personal attack on… your body? Your personal scent? Hmm, not sure. What are they rejecting exactly?

A lot of these people who hang out in the bars are scared too. They’re nervous to make the first move so if you actually do it, you’ve already done like 80{242284c2b4ecb42ce145674282a91f528eac5aaa2b06dcbd7792c2e4bc5a83c2} of the work. Now you just have to produce nice conversation, coy smiles, and appropriate body language, and you’re in! (This is always the easiest part for me. Everyone’s different though. For me, the biggest hurdle is just approaching someone. The rest is the fun part.)

Flirting is a positively thrilling activity, especially if it’s with someone you don’t really care about. Then you can just be as insane as you want and not worry about whether or not you land the person. “Oh, you don’t want to sleep with me? That’s fine. I was just bein’ Miley anyway!” When you flirt with someone you actually do like, it’ll be more nervewracking but so worth it. Imagine it to be like a game of tennis and you’re just bouncing a ball back and forth with someone. You’re feeling them out and deciding whether or not they can actually banter with you. Does this person get it or are they just really hot? Are they able to play off of your jokes or are they just laughing at them and not contributing?

When flirting with someone you actually want to sleep with, you want to make sure you find excuses to touch them. Don’t grope them like you’re the TSA; I’m just saying that resting your hand on someone’s arm when telling a story can go a long way. It can go all the way to their bedroom actually. It’s also a good way to gauge if they’re into you. If someone reciprocates the hand touch, they’re telling you that it’s on. They’re telling you that they would certainly like to kiss your naked, trembling body at some point and develop a rapport on Gchat.

Don’t tell them too much about your life. Keep it mostly neutral. Talking about your alcoholic mother is a real buzzkill so leave that at home and bring it out when you know the person’s not going anywhere. “FYI, you’re dating me AND MY DEMONS! Say hello to my lil’ friends…”

Don’t get too wasted because then you risk getting sloppy and weird. The only time it would be acceptable is if you really like the person and you see them getting progressively more drunk. Then I guess you can join them on that train. Just don’t be surprised if things get #dark.

Think of flirting as a brain exercise. You have to work out the muscle that helps people fall in love with you!  And the less serious you take it, the more likely you’re able to yield positive results. Like I said, the hardest part is initiating the conversation. The next time you’re feeling nervous, just imagine Sylvia Plath crying alone in a cold, dark room. If that doesn’t get your ass in gear, I don’t know what will. TC mark

How We Let People Go

There is a specific feeling which exists only when you run into someone you had long forgotten about. It’s probably most palpable when it’s an ex, but it can happen with friends who were once particularly close. It is comparable to a scab that seems to have been on your skin forever — a scrape which was once quite painful but has been so long in the healing process that you no longer notice its presence when you wash over it in the shower. You peel it off almost out of boredom and suddenly there is a drop or two of blood, something that vaguely resembles the wound it once was, now too distant to really cause any discomfort. These people are wounds which have healed over, which have never quite turned into scars but which have become just another part of your lived-in body.

Letting someone go — when it is a necessary act of self-preservation, something that has to come if you expect to move forward in life — is regarded as a kind of victory. You have successfully overcome an emotional trauma that once surrounded you like a kind of fog which prevented you from ever seeing the sun. People will tell you, always with the best intentions, that one day you are going to wake up and realize that you are okay, and your life is not immediately over because they are no longer a part of it. And this is true, though it’s not the net positive that we are so quick to label it as. Because it’s not as though you simply wake up one day and proclaim yourself fine, suddenly hearing birds chirp and children laugh after months of only your own oppressive silence. You simply start to forget, feeling the acute pain of the loss less and less as each day goes on. There will come a day when you don’t care, but you won’t notice it, because you will have other things to think about.

But in order to let that pain go, in order to remove this person from the place of power they have occupied for so long, you must let everything go. Perhaps in a very distant future, you will be able to pick and choose the memories you want to keep, but for a very long time, one memory will always bleed into another. You cannot simply think about the time the two of you sat on the beach for an entire night, talking about your childhood, drinking the second-least-expensive wine you could find in the store. Because when you allow yourself to think about that, it will remind you of them as a whole, and will lead into all of the terrible things that happened after that night — not the least of which being their eventual departure. They exist within us as whole people, stories with beginnings and endings, and in order to let go of them we cannot choose the things we want to isolate for nostalgia.

We have to stop caring what they would think if they saw us, stop worrying about running into them in the store, stop obsessing over the things we could have done differently to make them stay. And that means letting go of everything they meant to us, proving to ourselves that life can be just as good, just as beautiful, without them in it. When you realize, long after the fact, that you no longer care about someone — that what they are doing in life has no bearing on you, and vice versa — it feels very much like a small death. Who they were with you no longer exists, and you cannot even preserve it in your memory, for the sake of your own mental health.

I recently ran into someone I used to know very well. I hadn’t seen him in close to two years, and I barely recognized him when I crossed him on the sidewalk. I had forgotten that it was his neighborhood, had forgotten that we used to eat there, forgotten it all. And he looked different, different enough to be slightly unsettling. We exchanged words, but as people who had barely ever known each other. It was a spoken confirmation that things had indeed changed — that we had let one another go, out of necessity — and that the parts of ourselves we needed to erase to move on were just going to have to be forgotten. Of course, you never really forget anyone, but you certainly release them. You stop allowing their history to have any meaning for you today. You let them change their haircut, let them move, let them fall in love again. And when you see this person you have let go, you realize that there is no reason to be sad. The person you knew exists somewhere, but you are separated by too much time to reach them again.

We told each other we should get coffee sometime, but didn’t exchange our new numbers. We knew we weren’t going to see each other again. TC mark

What People Do When They Don’t Really Love You

I try to lace my work with optimism because a guiding principle in my own life has been that the most tragic things in our lives almost always precede the most incredible. I think that, at any given point, we are faced with the choice of whether to move on with what the universe gives and takes or to hold on and bury ourselves in our own misery. I do not perch on a high horse preaching this, because I have been in those depths, and I know what it’s like. I also know that there are few issues that will destroy you faster than matters of the heart. But what I must tell you is that while teaching myself to climb out of that sadness and attachment-laden-misery, I realized something that is a bit more realistic than optimistic, but so invariably true that it’s worth giving attention to.

When someone loves you, you will know it. If someone cares about you, they will find a way to be with you. If they do not, they’ll make excuses. Sometimes they won’t even be sure whether or not they love you, so you’ll see them going back and forth trying to figure it out. Love is not something that requires brain work. It is not a riddle to be solved or a mystery to be uncovered. It just simply is, and we just have to let it be, or not be, naturally.

I generally believe that people differ so much in their experiences and that no two situations are exactly the same, so it’s difficult to generalize something about love and romance, but I make an exception for this. I know many of you are probably reading this conjuring up all the reasons why so-and-so did in fact love you but they just couldn’t be with you for this reason or that reason and why that was so valid and why I have no idea what I’m talking about. That’s okay if you want to think that, I won’t stop you. But the truth is that what you’re holding onto is someone who doesn’t love you enough to put you first and make it work. And if I believe in anything, I believe that we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us as well.

So what we have to learn to do is to accept the love we aren’t given. To realize that although we put someone on a pedestal, that does not mean that their judgment determines us. It’s simply a mindset, one that we have to change if we want to get out. People can love you a little bit, and they can love you enough but not enough to make it work. It is not an all-or-nothing situation. We have to stop thinking that it is, and that when the cards don’t fall in our favor, that it defines some part of us as being unworthy and unlovable. Because to combat that idea, we hold on as fiercely as we can to the reasons we are loved, until letting go is our idea– not theirs.

But we all end up, one way or another, okay. We’re all on different rides, but they all end the same way. You do not need somebody else’s love to be whole. You do not need their permission to go on with your life. What you do need is your own love. You need to let yourself go on. Their love isn’t stopping you, because that love doesn’t exist. It is only you who is holding onto what you believe should be. And what you will realize, sooner or later, is that most of your life is defined and chosen by what you compel yourself to believe should or shouldn’t be. Release yourself from the cage you built. You hold the key to your own freedom. TC mark

It’s Called Your First Love For A Reason

It’s the first time she smiles at you, the first time he picks you up for a date, the first time they kiss you, taking your face into their hands and pulling you in. It’s the first time you realize that you can feel this way about another person, that love the way they describe in books, on TV, and in movies is real and it’s amazing. It’s the first time you realize that another person can feel the same way about you as you do them. It’s the first time you let yourself become truly comfortable with someone else, the first time your guard comes down completely and the first time you let someone see who you are in all your entirety. It’s the first time you snort in front of them without turning bright red, the first time you feel unashamed of your body, the first time you let someone truly, completely love you.

It’s the first time you kiss someone while crying harder than you ever have before, harder than you ever knew you could. It’s the first time you realize that it’s not possible to run out of tears. It’s the first time you realize that the person who can make you the happiest is also the person who can bring you the most agony.

First love — it’s the first time you hold the bow, and let someone else pull back the arrow aimed at your chest. First love is trusting them not to let go, trusting them to protect your heart.

First love is never thinking, or expecting, them to let go.

It’s called your first love because it’s also the first time you feel what happens when it’s over. It’s the first time you’ll feel as though a fist ripped through your chest and gripped your heart, pulling it out. It’s the first time you’ll cry so hard over another person, you can’t breathe. It’s the first time you’ll feel completely helpless, like a baby deer that hasn’t quite learned to walk on its own yet. It’s the first time you’ll feel like you’re reaching out to grab something, then realizing it’s smoke, and it disappears between your fingers. 

It’s the first time you blame yourself for something that perhaps wasn’t even your fault — maybe it was, but you’ll never know for sure — and it’s also the first time you’re entirely responsible for the way you feel.
It’s the first time you put yourself at fault for loving too much. You blame yourself for throwing yourself completely into the relationship, for letting yourself become absorbed into them, for thinking your first love was going to be your last love. It’s the first time you give more than you have to make another person happy, but at the time it was okay, or so you thought, because their happiness was your happiness and in assuming you’d be together forever, you believed that as long as you kept them happy, you’d be happy. This is the first time you blame yourself for caring too much and, in doing so, losing yourself.

Hearing the words “I don’t love you anymore” for the first time — it hurts, and it hurts bad. Nothing seems to hurt as much as hearing your first love tell you you aren’t theirs anymore.

It’s time to stop living in a fantasy — losing first love is realizing your life is not a young adult novel, no matter how hard you wish it was, and that things won’t work out in the end. You will not end up with them. They’re not sitting in their room every night, spread out over pictures of you, pining away for you and wrestling with their deep, ever-present love for you that they can’t seem to extinguish. They aren’t confused, they aren’t struggling to keep themselves from calling you or walking down the hall to knock on your door. They don’t care anymore — it’s as simple as that, and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you recognize that first love has come to an end, the sooner you’ll be able to move on and enjoy your life and the wonderful things that are to come they way they’re already doing.

When first love ends, you wonder if you even knew what love even was. You wonder if what you had was real or if you felt that way (or if they felt that way) because that’s what the movies told you to feel. When first love ends, you are left feeling lost and alone, sad and confused, and absolutely hopeless.

First love hurts.

When first love ends, it leaves you second-guessing yourself, your self-worth, who you even are. When first love ends, you realize that there’s now a hole in your heart, an absence, a space, something missing. You acknowledge that you’ll adjust, that your heart will shrink back, even though you don’t feel like it will. But when it does shrink back, it will always be a little loose where your first love used to be. There will be scars, and they won’t go away.

When first love ends, you feel like you’re drowning, desperately gasping for air, reaching for help, but the hand you’ve trusted for so long is the one pressing you down, keeping you under.

But first love is not only love. It’s not the best love, or the last love. First love is first, and it’s wonderful and amazing and new, but first is not synonymous with forever. And first is definitely not connected, whatsoever, to final. It’s called your first love because it’s just that — your first. Not your last. TC mark

Why It’s So Hard To Get Over A Cheater

It is hard to get over a cheater because when you leave the relationship, there are two people you must mourn. One is the asshole who cheated on you, in all their flawed, unfaithful glory. This is the person it is easy to get mad at, the person it is easy to cut off contact with, the person it is easy to talk shit about while you’re out for cocktails with your girlfriends at night. It’s the person you are glad to be leaving because you know that you don’t deserve their bullshit in your life.

The other person you must get over is the person you thought they were. The relationship you thought you had. The trust you so carefully built, not knowing that the foundation was made up of quicksand. It’s not the cheater you are mourning at 4am when you come home from the bar alone and want to call them up to tell them they’re forgiven; it is their intangibly perfect alter-ego. The one you built a life with. The one you poured your trust into. The one you thought was always going to be there, until they weren’t. You hate the person they turned into, but love the person they were. Love the way things were. Love the memory of each blissfully ignorant day with them, so fiercely that it tears you to pieces.

It is hard to get over a cheater because you never get the closure you need. You cannot reason your way to the cause of the cheating — and I strongly encourage you not to try. The back of your mind will only make up reasons that scathe you: you weren’t funny enough or sexy enough or enticing enough. You didn’t pay enough attention. You didn’t make enough time. With every magazine title screaming “Ways to please your lover!” and “How to not scare the good ones away,” you begin to suspect that it was your fault they cheated, not theirs. You know logically this is not true, but it feels true. The harder you search for a reason, the more the truth evades you. A simple lapse in judgment doesn’t seem like an adequate explanation for the hell that you’ve been put through. So you search for a bigger, better reason that is not there.

It’s hard to get over a cheater because the only person you hate more than them is yourself. You hate yourself for falling for them. For investing in them. For turning a blind eye to every red flag that was a clue along the way. You scorn yourself for believing every lie they told, and letting it all come to fruition. You hate yourself for not putting together the puzzle pieces that you were never actually holding.

It is hard to get over a cheater because we are seldom given the chance to properly mourn them. We are encouraged to feel every scathing emotion we can muster toward our unfaithful lovers, but we’re told that we cannot still love them. Cannot miss them. Cannot mourn the loss of that love because we should be too angry to feel sadness. We are not given the chance to go through the regular process of grieving somebody who was once a major part of our lives. And because we try to deny ourselves this process, we exemplify the pain. We feel ashamed for still loving them. Ashamed for still needing to grieve. Ashamed of not being ready to start over right away, even though we know we deserve so much better. Ashamed because it must make us weak to feel anything other than hatred.

It is hard to get over a cheater because the real person we have to forgive at the end of the day is ourselves. We have to forgive ourselves for missing the signs that we couldn’t possibly have seen. For losing a game we never signed up to play. For having a perfectly natural connection with a person who turned out to not be who they said they were. We don’t want to accept that bad things can happen to us without precedence. That we can be fooled and treated unfairly and still end up the loser in the end. We want to believe in the eternal balance of the Universe, which suggests that when we are in pain we have done something wrong. It is hard to get over a cheater because it means accepting the bizarre notion that life can be unfair in the harshest sense of the word.

It is hard to get over a cheater because a betrayal of trust turns your world upside down. And the only way to flip it right-side up again is to give ourselves permission to work through it. To accept what happened. To mourn someone we hate. To grieve a relationship we walked away from. To work through every paradoxical situation we encounter, until we come through on the other side. The side with a clean slate. The side where we don’t just suspect that we deserve better — we know. And the side where we are proud of ourselves for never accepting any less. TC mark

The Trouble With Your First Real Love

The real deal with your first love, a true story of first love.

Growing up is hard. Just when you surpass the teenage awkward years of pimples and first crushes, you reach college and young adulthood and suddenly have to find yourself. Halfway through college, you may come to think you have it all figured out out. You will finally figure out you career path and perhaps you will even have found the love of your life. Things will be perfect – he will surprise you at school with flowers on your birthday, send you cookies the night before an exam, and buy you new winter boots for no good reason. He will listen and make you feel special and you will run around telling everyone of how great he is and how happy you are, his number one fan. He may even call you unexpectedly first thing in the morning the evening after you have your your first big fight to tell you that he loves you, so much. You will be in love with love, even when the love stops.

It is amazing how easily even the most intelligent people can be deceived. It will not take more than a few months for the surprises and romantic gestures to slowly disappear, completely. Disappointment when he chooses to see his friends over coming to meet your family on Christmas will quickly morph into humiliating insecurity when you, the drunk girlfriend, snoops into his phone and finds exactly what she was looking for on New Year’s Eve. You will have just kissed him at midnight an hour ago, wishing for a year full of even more love and happiness with the love of your life. “I’m thinking of calling it quits soon. I saw my ex and all of the feelings came rushing back; it’s not the same with her.” You will lay next to him on the floor in your friend’s apartment and cry all night — brokenhearted. He will not apologize, but he will give you just enough faith to hold on. He will tell you he said those things out of anger, but he did not break up with you so clearly you have nothing to worry about.

You will not understand, not then or ever. But you are in love; you are stuck. The past few months were undoubtedly the best of your life, so you will hang onto his half-assed effort at loving you and being gently placed on the back burner. You are not dumb, but he will deceive you. He will tell you he loves you and will play mind games with you, slowly pulling himself away month after month. You will feel it, and you will occasionally make him aware of it and he will tell you that you are wrong. “Stop being insecure,” he will tell you, “you know I love you to the moon and back.”

Months will pass, and with every day you will feel less confident about yourself. Your grades will slip, but you are in love and you must fix your relationship. You look forward to summer; after surviving a year apart while you are away at school the hardest part will be over. Your relationship will only get better. You will be even more in love than you were last summer, when you found each other. But you are wrong. He will abandon you in your darkest hour, when you need him the most, because he needs a break from you. You will reach out over and over and he will be ever so cold. After a year of loving you he will not answer your texts or return your phone calls. He will hold onto you by the weakest string for a few more weeks; he doesn’t want you anymore but he isn’t quite ready to let go either. He just needs space, and you will tell yourself that is reasonable.

You will blame yourself and drive yourself crazy waiting to hear from him. You probably will not be able to sleep, and when you do you will have dreams of him screaming at you and telling you that you are insecure.

Eventually, you cannot take the misery and demand an answer from him. He cuts your thin little string with garden shears. He will have any good explanation for you, too cowardly to admit he no longer loves you and has not for months. You knew he did not love you, but you still did not want him to leave. You cry and beg for him to stay, for some sort of compromise, and he will hang up amidst your uncontrollable sobs into the phone. You will fall apart completely and he will not care. He is gone.

How do you move on from the first love of your life? What did you do to deserve this? What if you did not complain about his lack of attentiveness? What if you gave him space? No. Fuck him. It will be difficult and it will take weeks, maybe months, but you will get over him. Every day you will wake up and roll over onto your phone and there will be no “good morning, princess” text. You will feel so empty and it will suck so bad. But do not let him control your life any longer. Remember how poorly he acted, when he embarrassed you when he was drunk, lied to your friends, and cried because he got a bad haircut. Remember how conceited he was and realize that everything that he did for you was only to make himself feel better – to make you tell people he was great and build his ego. Listen to your friend and laugh your ass off when she tells you his haircut makes him look like Bruce Jenner, and that is certainly not a complement.

Reclaim yourself – the girl who hates country music and thinks hunting and fishing are freaking boring. Never fuck with another guy who wears cowboy boots, especially in the middle of the summer because they are made of leather and must be hot and that’s just stupid. Drive around late at night with the windows down to feel the summer air and scream Brand New songs until your lungs hurt. You will recognize his selfishness and his arrogance and laugh when he blocks you on Instragram and subtweets about you when he realizes you have moved on. Every day will get easier. Find yourself again, and learn what not to look for in the next one. You built me up and broke me down in the worst way possible, but you made me stronger and I thank you for that. I think we all know who came out with the upper hand. He was not the perfect hand, and you will not hit on 19 ever again. TC mark

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